How Jealousy Kills Goodness

Anger. Hate. Despise. Envy. Perfect combination for perfect killing.

There is a phrase that goes: The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.

What is jealousy? Jealousy typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety that occur when a person believes an item of value (such as a relationship or skill) is being threatened (such as by a rival or by others' different skill set). Jealousy often contains a mixture of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. While jealousy and envy are similar, they differ in that jealousy is about something one has and is afraid of losing, while envy is about something one does not have and either wants to acquire or to prevent another from getting. (Wiki)

Envy. One of the deadly seven sins that leads us astray from our daily goodness.

Yesterday i've felt the strongest sensation of jealousy, just by glancing at something totally unbearable. It's stupid but seeing the person you care most, second to your siblings, sitting besides another person in a comfortable position giggling at each other, can spark a BURST of flaming jealousy from the inside. Yeah, they could just be talking about how funny something is but just the sight of them getting along is amazingly well, so well that you feel that you've just been robbed of your own beating heart.

At that moment, it was like i was in a trance.

It was a trance of hate. No one can reach me. I've turned off my cells, my wi-fi, ears, mouth and heart for a few hours. The day was as gloomy as doomsday. No smiles were given, no laughs were heard and no sound was made, by me. People offered food: silent, people asks whats wrong: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, ASS! Yep, mission accomplished, goodness DEAD!

I went to bed early. With a killer face for the pillow. Since Jealousy already claimed victory killing kindness, it was time to rest.

The next morning, texts with contents such as: Hey, erm...can i ask you sumthing? Are you mad at me yesterday? And i was like:

  1. Lie
  2. Truth
  3. Lie then truth
I picked 3. Told her that i was sleepy so i didn't have the strength to pull smiles all around before going to bed. She didn't buy it. So then i told her the truth about a stinky jerk who was jealous at her talking to someone else so merrily. So i said sorry and stuff. She was like worried and stuff, probably because she heard someone who saw how GOOD i was doing the night before and reported to her. In the end, the grinch who ruined the day turned back normal. End of story.

/* Nak study pon susah giler skang huhuhu~ Goodluck test 02*/


7 text messages:

eM. said...

i honestly can feel wat u feelin' now..

i sense the intoxicated jealousy is still there-yup its there.

Fær.han/Unown F/Gyan said...

Yep. Still stokin its flames. The bon-fire is getting BIGGER! How the heck do i put it OUT?!!! Eee geramnyer~ huhu *slawat2*

**PriNciPLe_AmZy** said...

the best way to heal jealousy is .... amik air semayang, istighfar bebanyak...amalkan slalu...the best way! It works on me. =)

ratna said...

hadumak.. letih otak nak baca BI ni.. huhu.. tapi diteruskan juge mbaca

Fær.han/Unown F/Gyan said...

To Aishah: Yeah, worked! I think...=P

To Ratna: Bacalah! Paham x paham tu blakang citer heheh~

zahirah ardy said...

altho it's sorta shocking to learn that incik paan ada gf (kena share dgn kurol ni, ke... dia da tau??), chills chills~

Anonymous said...

yeah bro..i felt that sometimes. But i hate that feeling as well. As it'll make us think a lot, sometimes even way out of sense. Man i'm tired of thinking that too much. For me i felt much better, muuuuucccchh better when i pray to god. Anything is decided by Allah. So whatever happens, thats the best for us. Nothing less..

twatter, i'll follow u later =)